After Eli went to a birthday party, and got a buy one get one free for Jump 4 Joy my kids have been wanting to go back. So with us leaving it to the last minute (as in the voucher expires today) we went this evening, joined by friends, to enjoy the trampoline park. So much fun was had and I’m sure everyone will feel it tomorrow.

It was such a perfect day for a picnic at the river so we packed a bag and went to Radloff Park. We ate, the kids played and Duncan and I got to chat while listening to the water trickling past. Of course a visit to Radloff wouldn’t be complete without a few wet dogs running past.

After nearly 2 hours of fun it ended with Adam falling into the river. Luckily Grace could help out and Adam could wear her shorts on the trip back to the car.

Grace and Eli are both learning this song in their classes and it can be heard at all times inside and outside of our house.

Evidence would suggest that someone has had a hand in the marshmallows. Now to figure out who – I just can’t quite put my finger on it.

In other news: elephants are close relatives of dassies, and pandas literally have pissing contests.

You just know this is going to end with Adam jumping down, swinging from a rope and bumping his head.

If you read my blogpost a few weeks back, you will know that I have been struggling to come to terms with our tiny budget (post fixed expenses) and the impact it has on our family.  If the last few weeks were my down and depressed weeks, this week has definitely been my contemplative, coming to terms with it week. Yay!

We recently watched the documentary “Minimalism” as well as “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.” And for me the thing that probably stood out the most was the question “what sparks joy for you?”

This comes from Marie Kondo’s “The KonMari Method™  which encourages tidying by category – not by location – beginning with clothes, then moving on to books, papers, komono (miscellaneous items), and, finally, sentimental items. Keep only those things that speak to the heart, and discard items that no longer spark joy. Thank them for their service – then let them go.”

So with our house feeling somewhat out of control I decided to give the KonMari Method a go, starting with my clothes.  Two black bags of clothes later, a new folding technique for my clothes and I was definitely feeling lighter and happier.  I am slowly making my way through the various rooms, so that everything has a home and that everything is in its home.

With minimalism and tidying percolating through me, it got me thinking about my life, the choices I make and whether it really is as simple as asking “does this bring me joy?” and if the answer is no, then to question it and consider an alternative.  So with this in mind I started questioning my choices, starting with a simple question like ” Does the gym spark joy?”   The answer to that particular question is a resounding NO, but asked in a different way “does being healthy, fit and feeling good in my clothes, bring joy?” well then the answer is a definite big YES!

I think in truth this simple test can ignite a happier me. Yes in many ways it’s more complex than one little question, but in actual fact by stopping and questioning my thinking and being intentional about what brings me joy definitely brings me a feeling of contentment, fulfilment and overall happiness.

So my question to you is “what speaks to your heart, and sparks joy for you?”

I have caught myself using that expression many times, but in truth I am beginning to think a holiday is as good as a holiday and well change is change.

I would definitely not put me in the change averse category and often welcome change and all it brings with it, but in truth the last few weeks I have struggled with the changes I have had to face.

Duncan and I had a look at the budget in January which always elicits a fight or flight response in me. I want to run, but I want to fight. It isn’t pretty and I don’t like me very much. I get angry with Duncan, my brain says it’s not possible to spend so little on groceries, I want to be obstinate, I blame, I feel guilty for my part and more than anything I want to ostrich with a pillow over my head and cry.

I think about the decisions we (Duncan and I) make and the impact it will have on our family if we can’t figure this out.

This has been my last couple of weeks. Duncan has taken over grocery shopping because I don’t believe it’s possible on our budget. And yes that’s a terrible attitude. I feel indignant I have already given up so much, we are not extravagant in how we live and now I have to give up more…. And its this change in how we live that I am mourning.

Instead of being on the same team with Duncan I have been fighting him like a caged animal the last few weeks and it really sucks.

As I sit here writing this I realise that the fight and anger appears to be gone (well mostly) and my overriding feeling is one of sadness. That sadness where you want to hide from the world, where answering a ‘how you doing?’ message, feels like a lot of effort and what do you say to that anyway!

I want to say I’m moving into the acceptance phase but to be honest I don’t think I’m there yet. What I do know is that I want to make it work, I want to model living well for my kids and for me, I want to show them (and me) that we can make the necessary sacrifices and be okay. That the old saying ‘money can’t buy you happiness’ is in fact true and that we can still do with much less and be totally comfortable and happy.

So for today and hopefully the next and the next I will focus on what I do have, keeping my eye on the prize of love and family and making it work.

Adam learnt to pedal on his “big” bike in September but hasn’t really been interested in that bike too much, spending most of his riding time on his balance bike.

The balance bike is just too small for him now so we decided to try again. He was keen, and after a few (quite a few) laps around the pool helping him balance he was on his way riding on his own.

Still some work before the mountain bike track, but he is doing really well and looking super comfortable. He managed three clean unassisted laps around the pool today….tomorrow it is time to venture out around the circle.

It’s the last day of 2018 and as I sit and reflect on the year, my mind is drawn to a family who sit beside their 13 year olds bed not knowing whether she is going to live or die, and if she does live what quality of life she will have. And yet through the pain they show such courage, faith and hope and have an army of God’s warriors praying, loving and carrying them.

People can be so destructive causing much pain and suffering and yet when we come together in community there is no greater feeling of love, togetherness, and humanity! I truly believe that’s how God intended us to live

This tragic story could be filled with anger, fear, guilt and dispair and yet it is filled with love, acceptance and faith, a testimony to God and his greater story for Kiara’s life.

So as we move into a new year I could make a list of new years resolutions but instead my prayer for 2019 is that I embrace it with love, faith, courage, hope and acceptance. Let it be a year of community. Much love the Drennans