If you had asked me before I got married how many children I wanted, I would have told you without hesitation, 2. That answer was probably based more on societal norms than anything else, and to be honest, was still my thinking when we had Grace, 7 years into marriage.

Another 7 years later and we have 3 kids, so what changed? I don’t really know especially since the first year of Grace was particularly hard on me being a first time mom with a super sensitive baby, it sent my anxiety sky rocketing.  I remember getting through the first 2 years with Grace and saying to Duncan ‘I have to have another one so that I can try and enjoy the baby phase and get it right’. 

And that was Eli to me,  I just loved every minute with him. All those warm fuzzy feelings I thought I would/should feel first time round flooded me the second time. I felt confident as a mom and found the transition from one to two a breeze. Maybe that is where the idea of 3 really started to permeate in my mind. I started watching families with 3 kids and it started to feel right for us, more family more love.  And so it came to be that we became a family of five. 

The journey to 3 kids,  although easy in conception,  proved difficult emotionally for me,  family and friends questioned why we would want a 3rd, the words ‘you are brave’ were repeated so many times I started hearing ‘you are crazy for having a 3rd’. I seriously began to doubt whether our decision to have a 3rd was a good idea (bit late in the game, I know). I guess going against those preconceived norms makes people say silly things sometimes.  The irony is that now that we have crossed over the 2 kid barrier, people want to know if we are planning another one. The answer to that is a resounding no. 

So has having 3 kids lived up to my expectations? To be honest both yes and no. Is my life all sorts of crazy that makes me agree with all the people that said I was brave / crazy / stupid to have a third, definitely.  Does this very introverted mom long for moments of silence and a bit of space? For sure.  

Having said that does our family feel complete, and filled with love,  without a doubt.  Would I change anything, not a chance, 3 just feels right.